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Friday, September 17, 2010

(Not So) Super Mario

The Super Mario Bros. game recently celebrated its 25th Anniversary. In our ongoing quest to debunk the mythology surrounding certain people the general public inexplicably consider "heroes", the Death Star PR Team sent a few birthday messages to Mario:

Super Mario flees the scene of the latest in a series of malicious fire bombings.

Happy 25th Birthday Super Mario! You showed fat plumbers everywhere they could home invade somebody's castle and kidnap their stuck up house guest.

How does a guy like Super Mario even meet an upwardly mobile Princess from another dimension? Four words: "High-powered telephoto lens."

After years of Magic Mushroom substance abuse, Mario frequently experiences vivid hallucinations in which he, a fat middle aged Italian plumber, flies through outer space and talks to stars.

After 25 years of relentlessly pursuing the Princess, mercilessly slaughtering anyone who gets in his way, Mario's next game will be "Super Mario Prison Galaxy."

Hey Super Mario, how many times do you have to "rescue" the Princess from another guy before you realise she's just not that into you?

Mario's modus operandi is to jump on people's (particularly turtle's) heads so hard they explode, then stealing the coins from their wallet. Above: the Ninja Turtles meet Mario... and a gruesome fate. Image via www.geekstir.com.

Who are you going to believe: Super Mario, a plumber who lives (and wears matching outfits) with his brother; or Bowser, a guy with a wife, kids, a great job and SEVEN FUCKING CASTLES?

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