Lord Voldemort: Behind the Basilisk

With the Deathly Hallows Part 2 due to hit cinemas on July 13^th, the impending death of Harry Potter to celebrate and the total domination of the world to plan for, Twitter’s one and only Lord Voldemort is one very busy evil wizard.

Thankfully, “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Blamed” found the time to answer a few of Death Star PR’s questions about eternal life, taking over the universe and everything.

DSPR: Firstly, congratulations on being the first “fictional” character to pass 1 million Twitter followers. How does one celebrate such a momentous milestone?

LV: I would tell you but the celebration is revealed only to those who make it to this momentous milestone. Yes, Gaga, Britney, Bieber, NASA & I are all in the know about this secret. Like I said, I’d share; but horrible things tend to happen to people who try and enter my chamber of secrets when they shouldn’t...

DSPR: Speaking of Lady Gaga, she dresses crazier than Bellatrix Lestrange and calls herself “Mother Monster”, and Charlie Sheen recently claimed he was the world’s most powerful warlock. Are today’s celebrities just trying to ride on your cloaktails?
LV: It’s upsetting to me that people feel they can leech off of my fame. I know a thing or two about living off of someone else; I did live in Quirrel’s head.  Let me tell you; while unicorn blood is refreshing and quenches your near-death thirst, there is nothing better than living on your own. (Unless it’s seven of you living on your own in various places of course). These people need to find their own thing. Look at Cedric Diggory. He realized being yet another whiny, wizard, git didn’t work for him so he took up sparkling. Do I advise this route? No. But to each his own.

DSPR: People see your movie star good looks, plush velour bathrobes, exotic pets and all the other trappings of superstardom, and forget that you’re a self-made man. Has the road to success been an easy one for you?

LV: The road to my success was neither easy nor hard… it was non-existent. You don’t need a road to success when you can apparate to success; or, better yet, fly.

 

DSPR: Dumbledore was the yin to your yang, the beard to your clean-shaven look, the dead to your still alive. Are there any positives you can take out of that relationship now that he’s gone?

LV: Well, as you stated, Dumbledore and I were opposites. I plan on continuing our yin-yang relationship & fully embracing the being alive to his dead.

DSPR: Speaking of Dumbledore’s demise, it seems like Severus Snape has finally made himself useful. What are the best and worst things about having henchmen?

LV: Snape, Snape, Severus Snape. Dumbledore…. well Dumbledore never fully embraced the whole “henchman-are-useful” mentality. I like to think of them less as “henchmen” and more “evil groupies”.  I’d say the best thing about having Henchmen is the loyalty. You know, people like Wormtail are literally willing to give their right arm to serve me. Snape? Well that’s the kind of guy who would never, ever stab me in the back. I mean, there’s a better chance that Hagrid would become a professor than Snape betraying me. As if that would ever happen. The worst thing is that I started some kind of weird trend. Now every group feels the need to “name” themselves. It’s worse than the asinine “couple-naming” that people do.  My name is already ridiculous enough, I don’t need you adding to it. Now there are “Beliebers,” “Little Monsters,” “Smilers.” I think they should all group themselves together and form a new group. We can call them ‘dead’.

DSPR: Just between us, can you share any “Deathly Hallows Part 2” spoilers with us? Is that Harry kid finally going to get what he deserves?

LV: I think you’ll be surprised by the ending. They haven’t let me see it yet but I’ve been promised that it would be completely different than this “book” ending. One that reflects what REALLY happened. As you know from my previous interview, that “JK Rowling” character got into a bit of a tiff with me when I refused her advances. Suddenly I was “evil,” “couldn’t love” and she refused to even speak my name. Drama-queen. She really crucioed my patience so I’ve been promised that this will be a more accurate reflection of a wizard who knows how to make magic and loves playing with his snake. Wait…

DSPR: Between Harry “The Boy Who Lived” Potter being famous just for not dying and the cast of Jersey Shore being famous for being stupid, does it ever surprise you that there are still people out there who don’t want you to take over the world?

LV: It does. It really does. I mean, can anybody get famous nowadays? What happened to the good old days where you DIDN’T want people to say your name? I go around helpfully killing off stupidity faster than Bella Swan can kill someone’s patience and all I get is complaining.

DSPR: When it comes to magic, is it the materials of your wand or how you use it?
LV: I mean, my wand is thirteen inches. I don’t need felix felicis to get “lucky” if you know what I’m saying. That being said, it’s definitely about how you use your wand but when I meet a special lady I’ll let her see what’s inside it…

DSPR: With the occasional attempted avada kedavraing of unaccompanied minors and assorted Muggles, wizards, etc, you’ve developed something of a “bad boy” reputation. Is that a fair assessment?

LV: Listen, I speak the truth (as well as sarcasm and parseltongue) and if that makes me “bad” then so be it. However, I can never be a bad “boy” as I’m not a boy. Really, if you think about it, I’m teaching a valuable lesson. Don’t want to be killed? Don’t suck. It’s as simple as that.

DSPR: Finally, you mentioned you speak parseltongue. Out of curiousity, do snake’s have anything interesting to say?

LV: My snake has a lot of interesting things to say. Ladies, if you’d like to know more, I’d be happy to introduce you some time.

DSPR: Lord Voldemort, it’s been an absolute pleasure talking to you. Thank you for allowing us to enter your chamber of secrets once again.

Click here to read our first exclusive "Behind the Wand" interview with Lord Voldemort. 

DRUNKHULK: Behind the Bottle

Incredible, angry, inebriated, Twitter’s Drunk Hulk is many things to many people but with 70,000 followers, one thing’s for sure: he’s inarguably one of the best reasons to be on Twitter. Death Star PR speaks to the tragically misunderstood loner, who, yes, occasionally has a few anger management issues, to discover the secret to his success.

DSPR: Drunk Hulk, thank you for agreeing to shout at us. A lot of superheroes have yet to embrace social media. Why did you start tweeting?
DH: DRUNK HULK BEEN DO IT FOR YEARS ON BATHROOM WALL! BUT DRUNK HULK REALIZE THAT SOME PEOPLES NO USE BATHROOM! SO DRUNK HULK THINK IT TIME REACH OUT TO NEW AUDIENCE!

DSPR: You’re always up to date with current events and pop culture. How do you manage to stay so drunk yet keep your giant green finger on the pulse?

DH: DRUNK HULK TAKE IT TO STREET! DRUNK HULK OUT THERE WITH PEOPLES!

OTHER THAN THAT! DRUNK HULK READ LOT! FOR INSTANCE! DRUNK HULK JUST READ STORY ABOUT GIRL WHO SLEEP WITH TIGER! BIG DEAL! DRUNK HULK SLEEP WITH COUGAR ALL TIME AND YOU NO SEE DRUNK HULK BRAG ABOUT IT!

ALSO READ ABOUT HOW SCIENTIST WORRY ABOUT THIRD HAND SMOKE! HOLY CRAP! HOW MANY HAND DO SMOKE HAVE!?

DSPR: We just heard about the Oscars. Apparently they have disappointingly little to do with being a cranky garbage monster. Care to explain them to someone from outer space?

DH: HELLO OUTER SPACE ALIEN THING! SINCE YOU JUST GET HERE ON PLANET EARTH! IT IMPORTANT THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OSCAR! BECAUSE EARTH LAW AND CUSTOM NO IMPORTANT WHEN COMPARE TO OSCAR!

BY THIS POINT! DRUNK HULK HOPE OUTER SPACE ALIEN THING DESTROY HUMANITY!

DSPR: Any tips on winners? We need to know who to put our Galactic credits on.

DH: LET REVIEW NOMINATION!

THE FIGHTER! THE KING'S SPEECH! WOW! TWO UNDERDOG STORY ABOUT HOW BROTHER DO NOTHING BUT DRAG YOU DOWN! IF DRUNK HULK WANT SEE THIS STORY! DRUNK HULK READ ABOUT ALEC BALDWIN!

TRUE GRIT! LISTEN OSCAR! DRUNK HULK KNOW IT HABIT! BUT JUST BECAUSE COEN BROTHER MAKE MOVIE! NO MEAN YOU GOT NOMINATE IT!

INCEPTION! DRUNK HULK LIKE THIS MOVIE! BECAUSE DRUNK HULK SEE SOMETHING NO EVER SEE BEFORE! LIKE PART WHERE CHARACTER ENTER GIANT PLOT HOLE INSIDE GIANT PLOT HOLE INSIDE GIANT PLOT HOLE! IT LIKE JOE ESZTERHAS AND M.C. ESCHER MAKE MOVIE TOGETHER!

BLACK SWAN! DRUNK HULK WAIT LONG TIME FOR GOOD DARIO ARGENTO MOVIE! SAD PART IS! ARGENTO NO MAKE IT!

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT! REALLY! WITH THAT SPOILER IN TITLE! WHY DRUNK HULK CARE TO SEE THIS!?

127 HOURS! FOR SERIOUS! WHO GOT TIME TO WATCH MOVIE THAT LONG!? DANNY BOYLE NEED EDITOR!

THE SOCIAL NETWORK! DRUNK HULK WORRY BOOKFACE MAKER GET REVENGE! AND USE BOOKFACE DATA TO MAKE MOVIE ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE ON PLANET!

TOY STORY 3! HEY KID! YOU NO OLD ENOUGH WATCH SCHINDLER LIST!? THAT OKAY! PIXAR REMAKE IT WITH TOY JUST FOR YOU!

WINTER'S BONE! MORE LIKE WINTER BORE! HA!

DSPR: Having had a TV show, two films and countless comic books chronicling your adventures, you’re no stranger to celebrity. How do you cope with fame?

DH: THAT EASY!

FAME! DRUNK HULK LIVE FOREVER! DRUNK HULK LEARN HOW FLY! HIGH! DRUNK HULK FEEL IT COME TOGETHER! PEOPLES SEE DRUNK HULK AND CRY! FAME!   

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

This brilliant cartoon was drawn by BECK. For it and many others based on Twitter wit, go spend a few hours on his blog: http://newtoonsontheblog.info/

DSPR: As a green-skinned, 7’6”, 1,150lbs monster with a drinking problem, the media often portray you as a bit of an ogre. Is there more to Drunk Hulk than meets the eye?

DH: HOLY CRAP! DRUNK HULK WEIGH THAT MUCH!? HOW COME NO ONE TELL DRUNK HULK!? AND NOW EVERY ONE KNOW BECAUSE OF YOU! THIS IS WORST INTERVIEW EVER!

IS THERE MORE TO DRUNK HULK THAN MEET EYE!? YEAH! APPARENTLY DRUNK HULK SO HUGE THAT NOW NEED SPECIAL AMBULANCE TO GO TO HOSPITAL!

WHAT BUMMER! DRUNK HULK ABOUT 50 POUND AWAY FROM BE VICTIM ON MAURY POVICH SHOW!

DSPR: Complete this sentence: “The angrier Hulk gets, the stronger he gets. The drunker Hulk gets…”

DH: APPARENTLY! MORE FOLLOWER DRUNK HULK GET!

DSPR: So, what’s next for Drunk Hulk? A book deal? Repelling a Skrull invasion? More beer?

DH: DRUNK HULK GOT BOOK DEAL! IT WAS BUY ONE BOOK GET SECOND FREE!

OTHER THAN THAT! SAME OLD! SAME OLD!

DSPR: Finally, at the risk of being thrown in to outer space, we have to ask… how do you tweet with such gigantic fingers?

DH: VERY! VERY CAREFUL LIKE!

DSPR: Drunk Hulk, thank you for your time and for not being so drunk you couldn’t answer our questions.

Follow @DrunkHulk and check out the man behind the monster’s blog at http://www.puffchrissy.com/.

Lord Voldemort: Behind the Wand

Twitter's Lord Voldemort: You know him as You-Know-Who, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and the Dark Lord, but we like to think of him as “He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Blamed”; wizard of unparalleled magical ability, visionary, snake charmer, and conqueror of death itself. But what is the man behind the wand really like?
Death Star PR talks exclusively to the enigma wrapped in a mystery inside a box of secrets protected by a plethora of killing curses.

DSPR: You’ve come back from the dead (kudos) with a brand new, more streamlined, less nose-y look. Why the bold fashion statement?

LV: Well, as you know, Hollywood has a bit of a habit of bringing celebrities whose careers are dead back to life. I knew I needed a similar comeback. I tried shaving my head like Britney, but that didn’t work. I donned some crazy, drape like ensemble ala Gaga. Nothing. I was telling a whiny servant to stop being so damn nosey when all of a sudden it hit me.

DSPR: You have well over 400,000 Twitter followers now. Why do you think so many people love your off-the-cuff social commentary?
LV: Well, I like to think I have a rapport with my followers. My Twitter gives them access into, no pun intended, my chamber of secrets. Every one of my tweets is for them and is a window into my soul. Not literally, of course. It allows a one-on-one connection which is perfect for reminding them that I will crucio them into the next decade if they dare unfollow. Also, the ladies love a smooth talking badass with a, quite literally, killer tat.

DSPR: You’ve had a long, successful career in both the magic and entertainment industries, everyone knows your name (even if they’re too afraid to say it), and you have many insane…ly loyal followers. To what do you ascribe your great success?
LV: I guess you can say I’ve always had a way with tongues. I speak, people listen. Mainly because if they don’t I’d Avada Kedavra their asses faster than you could say ‘Edward Cullen was a Hufflepuff’. I also like to think of myself as the people’s malevolent dictator. I remember when I was living inside Quirrell’s head we got up to some fun hijinks. Business in the front, party in the back. That’s how I like to live my life. So what if those parties include general slaughter? You only live once. Unless you’re me, of course.

DSPR: Some people aren’t entirely convinced that you’re doing the world a favour by ridding it of all the Muggles. Are you?
LV: Who are these people? I want names! You know... to, uh, “gently and quietly” persuade them to see my line of thought. Cough. Yeah, uh. That’s it.

DSPR: There must be some great perks to being a wizard.What’s the best thing about being able to do magic?
LV: There’s only one way to describe magic and that’s: fanfuckingtastic. The other day I walked by some chick, magicked her skirt right up. That’s invigorating. I also enjoy the simple joys of turning off people’s alarm clocks and hiding only one of their socks. Plus I can fly. I. Can. Fly.

DSPR: The media has unfairly painted you as the “bad guy” for trying to kill Harry Potter. What’s the truth about Harry?
LV: I’m glad you asked this question. Just because I attacked a baby and violently slaughtered thousands, people seem to think I’m a bad guy. Listen muggles, there were probably tax collectors, phone solicitors and government officials somewhere in that hoard. Did you even think about that? No. Of course not; because you can’t see the bigger picture. As far as Harry goes, he’s a drama queen. Plain and simple. “Boo Hoo. Voldemort’s out to get me”. You know what his real issue was? He wanted more screen time and knew that I was taking away his spotlight with my natural charisma. It’s sad how some people let fame go to their head. One little incident, a BARELY noticeable scar and suddenly you’re a “muderder” and “evil”. I’m not even convinced I gave him the scar. I suspect the Potter’s simply were looking for a large cash settlement from a hard working individual. Tragic, really.

DSPR: Your ex-biographer, J.K. Rowling, has described you as a “raging psychopath, devoid of the normal responses to human suffering”. How do you respond to the haters?
LV: Oh, Rowling. She got her knickers in a twist after I turned down her advances. Listen, there are some ladies who talk to your snake and some who don’t if you know what I’m saying. After I rebuffed her things got cold. Suddenly I was the “crazy” one. Well, I’ve got 27 mysterious hang-up calls in a night and a very dodgy encounter in a restaurant bathroom to suggest otherwise. I mean; do I enjoy the pain and suffering of others? Sure. But honestly, who doesn’t? I don’t think wishing humanity’s downfall makes someone a psychopath. If anything, I’m an idealist.

DSPR: Teenagers always seem to be sticking their snotty noses in other people’s business and foiling carefully thought out plans for world domination. Do you have a message for the kids of today?
LV: Kids today need to learn to respect their elders. Be it of the wand variety or similar. They’re so preoccupied with their technology and meddling into other people’s lives in every way possible that they forget the simple fact that I could kick their whiny asses into the next century. With or without my wand. I’m very glad that I was never a teenager. I skipped right from birth to adult. You can do that when you achieve certain levels of evil.

DSPR: Everyone knows who you are but nobody knows about you. Describe the real You-Know-Who.
LV: What people don’t understand is that I do have a life apart from Potter. In fact, I have six. Or seven. I get a little hazy on the details. Anyway, I like collecting fine antiques & finding, um, creative uses for them. I used to advertise myself as a snake charmer before my number got put into some unsavoury ‘looking for’ ads and I’ve shied away from that.

DSPR: How do you unwind after a long day of killing people and making them fear for their lives for their own good?
LV: I’m a simple guy. I like to curl up with a nice glass of unicorn blood, a good spell book, my snake and plot out my next site of doom. People seem to think that I’m always angry, quite the contrary. Nothing brings me more joy than plotting mayhem and destruction. It is through chaos that we find order. I’m just the guy who brings that chaos.

DSPR: Finally, what does the future have in store for Lord Voldemort?
LV: Once I get my hands on that damn prophecy I’ll let you know. Only joking. I think you can expect a lot of sarcasm, my upcoming tell-all “Harry Potter: Putting the Horr-ible into Horcrux” and the desecration of all things sparkly in the near future.

DSPR: Lord Voldemort, it’s been a pleasure and an honour to survive a conversation with you. From the bottom of our black hearts, thank you for your time.

Emperor Palpatine: Behind the Lightning

Lord Palpatine: you know him as the benevolent ruler of the Galactic Empire, a man who works tirelessly for the happiness and security of every citizen. Death Star PR goes behind the Force lightning in an exclusive one-on-one interview with the charismatic leader, visionary and self-made Galaxy-trotting playboy trillionaire.

DSPR: Emperor Palpatine, thank you very much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to chat with us.
EP: I needed a break from Vader's moaning. There's a limit to how many times even I can hear the name "Padmé" in one day without electrocuting someone.

DSPR: You've come a long way since Naboo. To what do you ascribe your success?
EP: Hard work, grit, electrocutions and a few cases of throwing people from high places.

DSPR: Having achieved so much in such a short space of time, what are you proudest of?
EP: I once beat Lord Vader in a game of mini golf. Every moment you make a Sith Lord cry is a moment to be proud of.

DSPR: What are the best things about benevolently ruling a Galactic Empire?
EP: Knowing that everyone fears me being without my leadership. Knowing that everyone follows my command, even when they think they defy me. Knowing... we... shall have... peace.  Eventually. I guess.

DSPR: Some people have described the Empire as "an oppressive and ruthless totalitarian government". How would you respond to that kind of criticism?
EP: Give me the name of the planet they reside on, and I will answer them personally with one swift stroke.

DSPR: One of your first totally legal and Senate-supported actions was to pass Order 66 and rid the Galaxy of the Jedi menace. Why did you feel so strongly about that issue? 
EP: You said it yourself, the Jedi were a menace to  me our galaxy. Let's face it, they represented a system that just didn't work. I mean, the old Republic allowed for Jar-Jar Binks to be acting Senator. How could I *not* act against that?

DSPR: You make a good point. As we speak, there are Rebel insurgents working to sabotage everything you've created. What would you say to them if you could?
EP: Sending them a message would be pointless, they are blind to anything but their own way. Unable to adapt to a new, richer, way of life. To anyone considering joining the Rebels, I have one thing to say: Alderaan.

DSPR: It's a lot of people's dream to work with their best friend and heterosexual life partner. What's it really like working with Darth Vader?
EP: If you had asked me 11 years ago, I would have said we have a great working relationship, where I lay the plans and he executes them. But now... let's just say I'm glad I installed a mute button on his chest plate.

DSPR: A lot of independently wealthy visionaries seem to be building secret base/doomsday weapons these days. What inspired you to build the Death Star?
EP: The Death Star was built out of necessity. We needed it to protect our way of life. To spread the word of unity and peace throughout the galaxy. Look at your lawn. Do you kill the weeds? Of course you do, because it doesn't blend well with the rest of the garden. The Death Star is our weed killer.

DSPR: A lot of people don't know much about the Force. Can you tell us about some of the perks of the Dark Side?
EP: As I have said before, being in tune with the Force, and particularly the Dark Side, saves you a ton on electricity bills. Another benefit is that people will agree with you no matter what you say, even when they don't know it themselves.

DSPR: Phillip, 14, from Coruscant asks, "What's a typical day for you like?"
EP: It involves a lot of throne chair revolving and hand clapping.


DSPR: Phillip is just one of countless legions of fans. For all your young fans out there dreaming of the chance to work with you, what do you look for in an apprentice?
EP: S/he must be easily manipulated, weak minded and/or mentally vulnerable. There's a reason I'm currently on Earth. So many to choose from. Now let me explain, the reason they have to be weak minded is *not* that I can't break down the strong ones, but it's simply to save time. Once they're broken down completely, we can build the apprentice from the ground up, in my image.

DSPR: Ingenious, my Lord. Your name is synonomous with things like "Death Star", "maniacal laughter" and "Force lightning" but there's so much more to Lord Palpatine. Tell us a bit about the real you.
EP: What most people don't know about me is that I have a very big heart. I keep it in a jar. In addition to that I like history. That's why I spend some time here on Earth watching what they call "Star Wars". I like to call it "Emperor Palpatine, or how I learned to stop wasting time and start loving the Death Star."

DSPR: Emperor Palpatine, thank you for your time and not using the Force to destroy us.
EP: There's still time for that.

DSPR: .....

DSPR: Can we go now?

Darth Vader: Behind the Mask

Darth Vader: you know him as the Dark Lord of the Sith, He-Who-Brought-Balance-to-the-Force, Twitter royalty, hero to billions and perhaps the greatest icon of our time. But what is the man behind the mask behind the legend really like?

Death Star PR finds out.

DSPR: Lord Vader, thank you for taking the time to talk to us, we understand that you’re a very busy man.
DV: You may dispense with the pleasantries, PR lackey. I’ve just traced the rebels to their hidden base on Hoth. My skivvies are warming in the dryer as we speak. Fire away (no pun intended) before the buzzer sounds.

DSPR: You’ve taken to Twitter like a Jedi to failing. What do you enjoy most about interacting with your legions of fans?
DV: The chance to strike fear into the hearts of the denizens of this backwater little world one-on-one. There really is nothing like force-choking someone via a 140 character text message. The marriage proposals are nice too.

DSPR: Your fans number over 200,000. What do you put your popularity down to?
DV: I like to think it’s my unwavering commitment to the Dark Side, but the ladies know the real reason. The black leather, the heavy breathing, my command of the Force. I have these things in evil spades and they’re the same reason that girl you liked so much in high school didn’t give you the time of day. She was pining for Fonzie, while you were busy being Richie Cunningham.

DSPR: When you’re not tweeting or killing people how do you spend your time?
DV: I search the galaxy for my whiny-ass son, make back-room deals with turncoat scoundrels and do the occasional voice over work for CNN and TomTom to pay the bills.

DSPR: For some strange reason, some people seem to think of you as a bad guy. How do you respond to that kind of negativity?
DV: Just because I slaughtered all those Sand People and younglings people seem to think I’m this big baddie. Let me just say for the record they all had it coming, especially those lackey admirals that litter the floor around the Death Star cafeteria. It’s so hard to find good help these days.

DSPR: What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about you?
DV: People seem to think I do what I do out of anger, and let’s be honest, a lot of it I do. But what I’m really all about is simply bringing order to a chaotic galaxy. You have to have rules or society degenerates into a bunch of Mon Calamari with boom boxes on your lawn at 3am. All I’m doing is keeping the squid in their place, try and remember that.

DSPR: This question’s from Jake, 12, on Bespin, who asks, “What’s it like being the 2 I.C. of the Galactic Empire?”
DV: It’s pretty cushy, Jake. I get to work my own hours, hunt down Jedi dogs for fun and intimidate entire plants, like yours, into submission. Hope you’re enjoying the new tax on those Bespin Burgers I levied. Your dad just paid to have my cape cleaned and pressed. How does that feel?
DSPR: You wear so many hats, or should we say “helmets”. What aspect of your job do you enjoy the most?
DV: The inescapable fact that people love everything that comes out of my asthmatic mouth. Even the simplest words such as “What?!”, “Sister!” and my all-time favorite “NOOOooooooooo!” become legendary. It’s good to be me.

DSPR: What advice would you give to any young people out there with a dream in their eye and evil in their heart hoping to follow in your footsteps?
DV: Start small, a journey of a thousand dead rebels begins with one step. Bully a school mate into giving you his lunch money or take your friend’s football and go home. Work your way up by downloading songs and movies off bittorrent and before you know it, you’ll be my new Dark Apprentice.

DSPR: As someone who is an inspiration to others, who, or what, inspires you?
DV: Truth be told, Obi Wan used to inspire me a great deal. He was my master after all. I learned a great deal from him before he got all soft and holier than thou. I really didn’t blink a scarred eye when I sent him to join the Force. Nowadays I get lots of inspiration from this planet’s so-called ‘entertainment’. Between the Twilight saga and Jersey Shore there’s no shortage of evil in the world.

DSPR: Being the most powerful Force user in the Galaxy must be great. What’s the most fun thing you’ve used or abused the Force for?
DV: Mind tricks never get old. Let’s just say I never have to wait in lines at restaurants, sporting events or major theme parks. I’m like one big, evil Fast Pass.

DSPR: You’ve led a very full life. Any regrets?
DV: Just that whole force choking and accidentally killing Padmé thing. If I could go back, that entire incident could have gone a lot better I think. Yeah.

DSPR: Finally, tell us something about Darth Vader that most people wouldn’t know.
DV: Evil skivvies dry faster than normal. My shuttle awaits, and your time is up. This has been a pleasure and an honour for you, I know.
DSPR: That goes without saying, my Lord, but just in case not saying it would result in a Force Choke - it’s been a pleasure and an honour chatting with you, Lord Vader. Thank you for your time.