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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

DRUNKHULK: Behind the Bottle


Incredible, angry, inebriated, Twitter’s Drunk Hulk is many things to many people but with 70,000 followers, one thing’s for sure: he’s inarguably one of the best reasons to be on Twitter. Death Star PR speaks to the tragically misunderstood loner, who, yes, occasionally has a few anger management issues, to discover the secret to his success.

DSPR: Drunk Hulk, thank you for agreeing to shout at us. A lot of superheroes have yet to embrace social media. Why did you start tweeting?
DH: DRUNK HULK BEEN DO IT FOR YEARS ON BATHROOM WALL! BUT DRUNK HULK REALIZE THAT SOME PEOPLES NO USE BATHROOM! SO DRUNK HULK THINK IT TIME REACH OUT TO NEW AUDIENCE!

DSPR: You’re always up to date with current events and pop culture. How do you manage to stay so drunk yet keep your giant green finger on the pulse?
DH: DRUNK HULK TAKE IT TO STREET! DRUNK HULK OUT THERE WITH PEOPLES!
OTHER THAN THAT! DRUNK HULK READ LOT! FOR INSTANCE! DRUNK HULK JUST READ STORY ABOUT GIRL WHO SLEEP WITH TIGER! BIG DEAL! DRUNK HULK SLEEP WITH COUGAR ALL TIME AND YOU NO SEE DRUNK HULK BRAG ABOUT IT!
ALSO READ ABOUT HOW SCIENTIST WORRY ABOUT THIRD HAND SMOKE! HOLY CRAP! HOW MANY HAND DO SMOKE HAVE!?

DSPR: We just heard about the Oscars. Apparently they have disappointingly little to do with being a cranky garbage monster. Care to explain them to someone from outer space?
DH: HELLO OUTER SPACE ALIEN THING! SINCE YOU JUST GET HERE ON PLANET EARTH! IT IMPORTANT THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OSCAR! BECAUSE EARTH LAW AND CUSTOM NO IMPORTANT WHEN COMPARE TO OSCAR!
BY THIS POINT! DRUNK HULK HOPE OUTER SPACE ALIEN THING DESTROY HUMANITY!

DSPR: Any tips on winners? We need to know who to put our Galactic credits on.
DH: LET REVIEW NOMINATION!

THE FIGHTER! THE KING'S SPEECH! WOW! TWO UNDERDOG STORY ABOUT HOW BROTHER DO NOTHING BUT DRAG YOU DOWN! IF DRUNK HULK WANT SEE THIS STORY! DRUNK HULK READ ABOUT ALEC BALDWIN!

TRUE GRIT! LISTEN OSCAR! DRUNK HULK KNOW IT HABIT! BUT JUST BECAUSE COEN BROTHER MAKE MOVIE! NO MEAN YOU GOT NOMINATE IT!

INCEPTION! DRUNK HULK LIKE THIS MOVIE! BECAUSE DRUNK HULK SEE SOMETHING NO EVER SEE BEFORE! LIKE PART WHERE CHARACTER ENTER GIANT PLOT HOLE INSIDE GIANT PLOT HOLE INSIDE GIANT PLOT HOLE! IT LIKE JOE ESZTERHAS AND M.C. ESCHER MAKE MOVIE TOGETHER!

BLACK SWAN! DRUNK HULK WAIT LONG TIME FOR GOOD DARIO ARGENTO MOVIE! SAD PART IS! ARGENTO NO MAKE IT!

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT! REALLY! WITH THAT SPOILER IN TITLE! WHY DRUNK HULK CARE TO SEE THIS!?

127 HOURS! FOR SERIOUS! WHO GOT TIME TO WATCH MOVIE THAT LONG!? DANNY BOYLE NEED EDITOR!

THE SOCIAL NETWORK! DRUNK HULK WORRY BOOKFACE MAKER GET REVENGE! AND USE BOOKFACE DATA TO MAKE MOVIE ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE ON PLANET!

TOY STORY 3! HEY KID! YOU NO OLD ENOUGH WATCH SCHINDLER LIST!? THAT OKAY! PIXAR REMAKE IT WITH TOY JUST FOR YOU!

WINTER'S BONE! MORE LIKE WINTER BORE! HA!

DSPR: Having had a TV show, two films and countless comic books chronicling your adventures, you’re no stranger to celebrity. How do you cope with fame?
DH: THAT EASY!
FAME! DRUNK HULK LIVE FOREVER! DRUNK HULK LEARN HOW FLY! HIGH! DRUNK HULK FEEL IT COME TOGETHER! PEOPLES SEE DRUNK HULK AND CRY! FAME!   
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

This brilliant cartoon was drawn by BECK. For it and many others based on Twitter wit, go spend a few hours on his blog: http://newtoonsontheblog.info/

DSPR: As a green-skinned, 7’6”, 1,150lbs monster with a drinking problem, the media often portray you as a bit of an ogre. Is there more to Drunk Hulk than meets the eye?
DH: HOLY CRAP! DRUNK HULK WEIGH THAT MUCH!? HOW COME NO ONE TELL DRUNK HULK!? AND NOW EVERY ONE KNOW BECAUSE OF YOU! THIS IS WORST INTERVIEW EVER!
IS THERE MORE TO DRUNK HULK THAN MEET EYE!? YEAH! APPARENTLY DRUNK HULK SO HUGE THAT NOW NEED SPECIAL AMBULANCE TO GO TO HOSPITAL!
WHAT BUMMER! DRUNK HULK ABOUT 50 POUND AWAY FROM BE VICTIM ON MAURY POVICH SHOW!

DSPR: Complete this sentence: “The angrier Hulk gets, the stronger he gets. The drunker Hulk gets…”
DH: APPARENTLY! MORE FOLLOWER DRUNK HULK GET!

DSPR: So, what’s next for Drunk Hulk? A book deal? Repelling a Skrull invasion? More beer?
DH: DRUNK HULK GOT BOOK DEAL! IT WAS BUY ONE BOOK GET SECOND FREE!
OTHER THAN THAT! SAME OLD! SAME OLD!

DSPR: Finally, at the risk of being thrown in to outer space, we have to ask… how do you tweet with such gigantic fingers?
DH: VERY! VERY CAREFUL LIKE!

DSPR: Drunk Hulk, thank you for your time and for not being so drunk you couldn’t answer our questions.

Follow @DrunkHulk and check out the man behind the monster’s blog at http://www.puffchrissy.com/.

3 comments:

  1. I love you all more than fat kids love Salisbury steak day at school.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay! My favorite green Super-Sot gave a monstrously good interview! Outing Drunk Hulk on his weight-issue was a little heavy-handed but I suppose having the ability to destroy a planet gives you lots of latitude as an interviewer…

    I especially loved it that DH’s responses were presented in neon green—a pleasing detail!

    Also, who should I call about problems with smoke and sewer smells overtaking my area? I work in the office located one level below Detention Block AA23 where we’ve experienced strange loud noises, power surges and choking odors this entire afternoon. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
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