Now You Can Finally Get Those Power Converters From Tosche Station

Earth astronomers have made what could be the most important scientific breakthrough in the history of everything on your planet: they've proven that Star Wars is real.

NASA's Kepler space telescope has detected a planet, Kepler-16b, that orbits two suns. And the best news? It's a mere 200 light years from Earth! That's almost close enough to watch a venerable Jedi Master recklessly and unnecessarily endanger a small child's life in next month's Boonta Eve Classic pod race if you leave now! And have a spaceship with a functioning hyperdrive.

Video via Mashable.

Now you too can suffer from heat exhaustion as you wander the overly sunny streets of Mos Eisley looking for droids in full body armour, take a ride on Jabba's Sail Barge (no, not THAT kind of ride, you filthy degenerate. Okay, wait, apparently THAT kind of ride is available too, carry on), or just spend a weekend unwinding by killing a few tribes of Sand People.

Of course, the main reason why this discovery is so exciting is because it proves scientifically beyond any shadow of a doubt that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING IN STAR WARS IS 100% FACTUAL.

Lightsabers, cocky space pirates, kleptomaniacal swamp-dwelling grammatically incorrect goblins, dashingly handsome cape-wearing Sith Lords and, of course, the Death Star.

"But just because one thing turned out to be real doesn't mean it's all real!" we hear you protest. Of COURSE it is. That's how SCIENCE works, fictional protestor. Don't you know anything? Maybe you should look it up some time in a book on SCIENCE.

Still not convinced? Then put a plastic drop cloth whatever you're sitting on and prepare to have your mind blown, because NASA also found the Death Star.

The "Death Star" galaxy is firing jets of lethal radiation and X-rays at its neighbouring galaxy from the massive black hole at its centre. Assumedly because the apparently "peaceful" neighbouring galaxy is harbouring known terrorists and really, really deserves to be bombarded with cosmic rays of death.

So it's all 100% real. ALL of it. Which means we'll see you next Tuesday. You're good for planetary destruction at around 4pm, right?

See the Galaxy

The Galaxy is an amazing place. Twin suns setting over baking golden sands. Cities of steel floating amidst the clouds. Roaring rivers of fire and sweeping plains of ice. Nebulas that ebb and sparkle against a blanket of midnight.

A thousand worlds, a million possibilities, an adventure without limits.

Thanks to a new age of peace, prosperity and security ushered in by the Galactic Empire, the Galaxy is your oyster. With the Jedi gone and the threat of Rebellion all but stamped out, now is the perfect time for loyal Imperial citizens to go on that vacation they've been dreaming of.

Ever wanted to catch a tan on Tatooine? Dirty dance on Dagobah? Carouse with the Clones on Coruscant?

Well now you can.

Contact your nearest Imperial Tourism and Travel Services Bureau and see the Galaxy TODAY.

Disclaimer: All citizens must undergo safety checks before being approved for off-world travel. Safety checks may include luggage searches, racial profiling and making you do stupid things at Customs for our amusement, like jumping on one foot whilst reciting the alphabet backwards in a Wookiee suit. Failure to comply or success at failing these tests may result in the swift and untimely demise of yourself and your entire family.


These fantastic vintage Star Wars travel posters were created by the disgustingly talented Steve Thomas. You can see the rest (eight in total) on his blog:
http://stevethomasart.blogspot.com/2010/10/vintage-star-wars-travel-posters.html
He's hoping to be able to sell them soon, so if you're interested, go leave a comment and even if you're not, go leave a compliment.

"Tatooine" Music Video

Taking a moment from being pure evil to share this Rebel Propaganda music video with you. It's a song called "Tatooine" by Jeremy Messersmith with a fantastic 2D paper animated video clip by Eric Power, which summarises the best bits of the original Star Wars trilogy.

Be warned, Imperials: the video contains disturbing imagery of the Death Star being blown up by a lone X-Wing and a fight to the death between Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader. Fear not, these are clearly nothing but the demented fantasies of the Rebellion's PR Department.

All credit for bringing this to our attention must go to the topless robots at Topless Robot, the best earth-based nerd-based website in this or any other galaxy.

Finally, because we know you are by nature an indolent lot: you can find Jeremy Messermith's website here, Eric Power's website here and download the song for an amount of your choice here.