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Monday, May 2, 2011

WANTED: Luke Skywalker

Earth's most wanted terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, may be dead but rest assured Sithizens, the Galactic Empire's war against terror continues unabated. Emperor Palpatine has personally guaranteed that the "Mission Accomplished" banner will not fly until Luke Skywalker is brought to justice for his crimes against humanity [and assorted weird aliens].

The Galaxy's most infamous terrorist, "Cool Hand" Luke Skywalker is wanted in connection with the destruction of the first Death Star, resulting in the deaths of more than 1.3 million people, moral depravity and practicing Jedism, as well as planning and executing numerous other Rebel terror attacks.

Skywalker is often seen in the company of other high profile dissidents Han "Low Blow" Solo, Leia "Princess" Organa, Chew "Teddy Bear" Bacca, Lando "Token" Calrissian and droid life partners C-3PO and R2-D2.

He is widely known to frequent desert caves owned by creepy old men in bathrobes, goblin-infested swamps, trash compactors and hives of scum and villainy.

Skywalker is considered one-armed and extremely dangerous.