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Monday, November 29, 2010

RIP Irvin Kershner

A very sad day today, Sithizens.

Legendary director of 'The Empire Strikes Back', Irvin Kershner, died at home after a long illness, aged 87.
 

'The Empire Strikes Back' is a film rich with vivid and interesting characters, scintillating action, beautifully crafted dialogue, classic themes and one of the greatest twist endings of all time. It will stand the test of time as a film to be loved, watched and emulated for years to come.


Irvin, without you, the Empire never would have struck back.

Thank you for one of the greatest films of all time. The Force will be with you, always.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Pirate Bay


On Friday, a Swedish appeals court upheld a ruling against The Pirate Bay's founders, ensuring that they are going to jail for starting the file sharing network.

Meanwhile, the good folks who make guns and cigarettes eat caviar in their yachts. Because helping people steal music and free-to-air TV shows is a lot worse than helping people kill people.


Not to mention the CEO's (ir)responsible for companies that allow millions of litres of oil to spill into the ocean, or the ones whose greed or negligence created a Global Financial Crisis. After all, those were victimless crimes in that they only affected the environment and poor people. 

Our verdict: Earth's legal system is working as intended. Walk the plank, ye scurvy pirate dogs! Yarrrr!


Original article here.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

An office far, far away Episode 2

"Revelations"

Follow the adventures of Duke, the new guy, as he tries to make it in the office of an evil Empire. So, pretty much any office, anywhere.

As before, if you enjoy it and want to see it keep going, please spread the word amongst your friends/cronies and stroke our fragile egos by leaving a comment/reaction.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Take me to Episode 1 first!

Click to enlarge:
Words: Robbie Boland
Art: Kristian Aus

Winners: "Insult A Rebel" Competition



Before we announce the winners of this week's competition, we'd just like to take this opportunity to say that everyone who participated is a winner*, because making fun of Rebel losers is what winners do.

Most devastating insults and the winner of Nerdoh's 'Mos Eisley' t-shirt after the jump.

*But not a winner in the classically literal, some would argue more "actual" sense, because obviously this is a competition run by a ruthlessly evil Galactic Empire, which means we already gave out most of the prize t-shirts to our buddies so we only have one left to give away.


Talking Turkey

 
Happy Thanksgiving to all of our American future targets friends from all of us here at Death Star PR.

Remember, there's only one rule on Turkey Day:
Don't stop eating until all of the turkeys are dead, lest they stage a turkey uprising and take their bloody turkey revenge on their voracious human overlords. 




We believe on your world it's customary to give thanks and after looking up the word, we can dishonestly say we're thankful for:

  • Being alive. When your bosses are Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine and you're just a humble, completely replaceable PR lackey, every extra day is a gift.
  • Being loved. It's an indescribable feeling to know that you're loved by every single being in the Galaxy. Well, loved/feared/reviled.
  • Science. Without science we wouldn't have Death Stars to blow up evil planets, television to subliminally manipulate and rot the brains of entertain and inform the masses, or Apple, who gave us a great deal on iPhones.
  • Magic. Without magic, we wouldn't have be able to Force choke people with the power of our minds. Which is funny, and a useful way to end boring conversations.
  • Stupid people. To laugh at. And the internet, for constantly bringing those people to our attention.
What are you thankful to the Galactic Empire for? Tell  us in the comments below.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Bullying is For Jerks

Earlier this week, Carrie Goldman wrote an article for Chicago Now, about her daughter, Katie, a year One student, being bullied for bringing a Star Wars water bottle to school.

From the original article:
She wailed, "The first grade boys are teasing me at lunch because I have a Star Wars water bottle.  They say it's only for boys.  Every day they make fun of me for drinking out of it.  I want them to stop, so I'll just bring a pink water bottle."

I hugged her hard and felt my heart sink.  Such a tender young age, and already she is embarrassed about the water bottle that brought her so much excitement and joy a few months ago.




The awesome (and unfortunately not evil enough) Bonnie Burton wrote a piece for StarWars.com expanding on the idea behind the original article, arguing that Star Wars is for fans of all ages, shapes and sizes, and urging Star Wars fans everywhere to show their support for Katie by leaving a positive message for her under the Twitter hashtag #MayTheForceBeWithKatie.

All of this sounds pretty reasonable so far and frankly, we're a bit offended. You can't have a conversation about bullying without speaking to us, the experts. After all, school yard bullies might terrorise a few students but we terrorise an entire galaxy.

Take it from us: bullying is a gateway evil. It's a little thing, so easily dismissed, usually because it starts with kids. "Ignore it and it'll go away" is the most common advice given to kids being bullied. But the truth is, sometimes ignoring it just allows it to grow and become worse. It teaches people like us from a young age that we can push other people around and get away with it.

It's easy to blame parents for the problem, or even teachers, but the truth is it's everyone's responsibility to put a stop to bullying in all of it's forms. Adults (parent, teacher or otherwise) need to do more than just talk to kids about why bullying is just for jerks like us; they need to model positive behaviour. If young kids see you get angry at people, intimidate them, or even just boss people around, you're teaching them it's okay to turn to the Dark Side. Show them instead to be kind, patient and proud of who they are as individuals. It's that kind of person that scares us bad guys the most.

Kids, if you read this, as much as it hurts us to admit this, you can help stop bullying and fight the Dark Side too. The easiest way to do that is to be proud of who you are. Don't be afraid to bring your Star Wars water bottle or Barbie lunchbox or genuine Ewok fur schoolbag to school with you. Guaranteed there will be at least one other kid on the playground wanting to talk to you about it.

And if you do happen to get teased, try to remember the truth is that they're probably just jealous, or angry about things that happened before they got to school, or even just a little bit scared to be different themselves.

It's hard to be different, to be an individual whose beliefs, interests or even just clothing, set you apart from those around you. In fact, we have laws against that sort of thing here. But usually when something is hard, it's also what's right.

Bullying is for jerks like us. You don't want to be like us, do you?

Carbonite is Forever



Found that special someone but worried that they'll change?
Why not freeze them in Carbonite?

Love fades but Carbonite is forever.

 This message brought to you by the "Death Star Cares" initiative.

Royal Wedding

The Galactic Empire would like to formally extend its warm wishes to Prince William and Kate Middleton on the announcement of their engagement.



Nothing captures the hearts and minds of the people (and helps them forget all the silly stuff like war, poverty and inequality) quite like a Royal Wedding.

Thanks, you two lovebirds. Now the PR team won't need to manufacture a new celebrity scandal to cover all of the Empire's evil doings for at least another six months.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Competition: Insult A Rebel



The Galactic Empire needs YOU.

Our finest tacticians believe we can wipe the Rebel Alliance out with one final, devestating blow.

We need to hit them where we're reliably informed it hurts the most: the heart. We're not actually sure what that is, but by all accounts it's what the Rebels use instead of a cybernetic blood pump powering a chest respirator. Weird.




To win, give us your best Twitter-style insult for the Rebel scum of your choice in the comments below. Be clever, be evil, be purile - the choice is yours. 140 characters per insult (Rebel's name not included). Maximum FIVE zingers per person, e.g.

@ObiWanKenobi is a creepy old space hobo who lives in a cave, does "magic" tricks and "watches over" young boys. Don't take candy from him!

The single most demoralising insult wins this awesome shirt from Nerdoh:


Entries close 12:00am Wednesday 24th November.

Winner: How I'd Take Over the World

The Death Star PR team has been hard at work this week, organising a cake raffle to raise funding for a new photocopier after the last one mysteriously smashed itself into thousands of pieces with a fire axe, then set itself on fire, then fired its own charred remains into the cold vacuum of space.

Anyway. We've finally found the time to announce the winner of our very first competition: "How would you take over the world?" (and a fantastic 'Mos Eisley Cantina' t-shirt by Nerdoh)

Plans ranged from the disturbingly well-planned to the plain disturbing and seemed to involve a lot more Justin Bieber than we could ever have imagined. Plans we intend to set into operation on countless worlds over the coming months liked the best for our completely harmless and just for fun competition after the jump:


Friday, November 12, 2010

An office far, far away Episode 1

Death Star PR is very proud to present our first in an ongoing fortnightly comic strip.

Follow the adventures of Duke, the new guy, as he tries to make it in the office of an evil Empire. So, pretty much any office, anywhere.

If you enjoy it and want to see it keep going, spread the word and stroke our fragile egos by leaving a comment/reaction.

Click to enlarge:

Words: Robbie Boland
Art: Kristian Aus

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Darth Vader's Sithscriptions

Words by Death Star PR and Darth Vader.
Art by Scott Morton.

Here in the Death Star's PR Department, we field thousands of inquiries every day. Most of them are questions like, "Why are you doing this to me?" (We're doing it to everyone, quit being selfish) or, "How does it feel to be responsible for the deaths of billions of people?" (It always feels good and very grown up to be responsible for things).

But we also field more important questions like today's query from Flynn, 14, on Naboo, who asks, "What magazines does Darth Vader Sithscribe to?"

We posed the question to the Dark Lord of the Sith himself, Twitter's Darth Vader, who replied:
Unlike some evil despots who choose to seal themselves away in a media Force bubble, I like to stay apprised of the goings on within the Empire. I don't actually *read* the magazines I subscribe to, but the lackey who dictates them to me does a great job, especially with the sex quizzes and crossword puzzles. I'm looking forward to the day, very soon, when these periodicals are available as downloadable cu-mags (chest unit magazines) so I can get the digest version downloaded directly to my brain. Unfortunately when that happens my dictation lackey will be out of a job, and probably her life. C'est la Sith.


Here are the four magazines the Dictation Lackey assures us are Darth Vader's current favourites (click to enlarge):
 A favourite not only of Darth Vader but of all the staff on the Death Star.
Which has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Emperor Palpatine would destroy us with Force lightning if we said otherwise.

The Death Star is a big place. Finding your way around, as well as keeping tabs on all the latest goings on, used to be tough. Not anymore.

For some unknown reason the boss has always had a fondness of/extreme hatred for Tatooine.

To know your enemy's fashion trends is to know oneself.


These Star Wars magazine covers were created by sickeningly talented artist Scott Morton.
You can find them and loads of other great artwork at: http://scottwearspants.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

WANTED: The Doctor

WANTED


Dead or Alive
THE DOCTOR

FOR:
Theft of a Type 40TT TARDIS
Intergalactic meddling
Monologuing
Trying to bring back bow ties
Having ridiculously good hair

REWARD:
A warm, fuzzy feeling from having done the right thing.

Missile



The Galactic Empire unreservedly supports the United States Government's assertion that they have no knowledge of a missile strike launched from Southern California on Monday night local time.

Also, we have no idea who blew up Alderaan.

Bastards.

Home

Wherever you go, whatever you do, always remember:

Home is where the Darth is.


This message brought to you by the "Death Star Cares" initiative.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Aim

Death Star Public Service Announcement #1271:

If you think Stormtroopers are bad at hitting things with their blasters, do NOT go into the Men's Toilets on K-Deck.

TRUST US.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Competition: Take Over the World

Taking over the Galaxy isn't as easy as it sounds.


Anyone can waltz in with a smarmy smile and a ragtag bunch of friends and destroy your latest doomsday device, but actually coming up with the plan? Sourcing contract workers for that Secret Subterranean Volcano Missile Base you need finished by Tuesday? Funding the construction of a moon-sized superlaser? That's the hard stuff.

Unfortunately, we're running out of new ideas. We need your help.

I couldn't be bothered reading that first part. What do I have to do?

In the comments section below, tell us your foolproof plan for world (or Galaxy) domination. The most impressively airtight, original, carefully conceived and downright hilarious will win the prize.

The competition will run for one week. Entries close Friday 12th November 2010 at 7:00am AEDST.
The Winner and Honourable Mentions will be posted some time after that.

Shut up, PR nerd. What's in it for me?

The prestige of being Death Star PR's Inaugural Competition Winner.

What? That's not enough? Fine. The very generous folks at Nerdoh, makers of Premium Movie Inspired Clothing, have been forced at lightsaber point kindly offered to give a 'Mos Eisley Cantina' T-shirt away to one of Death Star PR's loyal fans.

This one, to be exact:


What else do I need to know?

Relax. Have fun with it. This is "just" a "competition", after all. We'd "never" "actually" use your plan for our own "nefarious" ends, we "promise".
You don't need to win to own Nerdoh shirts: http://www.nerdoh.co.uk/index.php

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

See the Galaxy

The Galaxy is an amazing place. Twin suns setting over baking golden sands. Cities of steel floating amidst the clouds. Roaring rivers of fire and sweeping plains of ice. Nebulas that ebb and sparkle against a blanket of midnight.

A thousand worlds, a million possibilities, an adventure without limits.


Thanks to a new age of peace, prosperity and security ushered in by the Galactic Empire, the Galaxy is your oyster. With the Jedi gone and the threat of Rebellion all but stamped out, now is the perfect time for loyal Imperial citizens to go on that vacation they've been dreaming of.

Ever wanted to catch a tan on Tatooine? Dirty dance on Dagobah? Carouse with the Clones on Coruscant?

Well now you can.



Contact your nearest Imperial Tourism and Travel Services Bureau and see the Galaxy TODAY.

Disclaimer: All citizens must undergo safety checks before being approved for off-world travel. Safety checks may include luggage searches, racial profiling and making you do stupid things at Customs for our amusement, like jumping on one foot whilst reciting the alphabet backwards in a Wookiee suit. Failure to comply or success at failing these tests may result in the swift and untimely demise of yourself and your entire family.


These fantastic vintage Star Wars travel posters were created by the disgustingly talented Steve Thomas. You can see the rest (eight in total) on his blog:
http://stevethomasart.blogspot.com/2010/10/vintage-star-wars-travel-posters.html
He's hoping to be able to sell them soon, so if you're interested, go leave a comment and even if you're not, go leave a compliment.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Vadercation

Being Darth Vader ain't easy.

Between bringing balance to the Force, being second-in-command of a benevolent Galactic Empire, suppressing Rebel dissidents on countless worlds, polishing his helmet to a military-grade sheen, Force choking incompetent lackeys and maintaining an unbeaten record in the Death Star Jenga Championships, the boss rarely gets a moment to himself.

Not to mention the Post-Traumatic Stress-induced nightmares caused by having your best friend and mentor cut off your arms and legs before leaving you to burn alive in molten magma while he makes off with your wife and unborn children.

The whole not-having-arms-and-legs-and-being-forced-to-live-in-a-containment-suit-and-a-giant-egg-which-makes-it-really-hard-to-meet-the-ladies thing isn't really conducive to taking much personal time either.

So once a year, Emperor Palpatine makes Lord Vader take a hard-earned "Vadercation". Usually somewhere far, far away from the Empire where Palpatine can't hear Vader crying himself to sleep at night Palpatine can be sure Vader will really enjoy himself.

This year's "Vadercation" was to Earth's tropical paradise, Hawaii. I'm sure you'll agree from these carefully staged and photoshopped to include legs candid photos that Darth Vader is one Dark Lord of the Sith who knows how to have a good time.

Click for larger images:

Chillin' like a villain.

Heavy is the head that wears the helmet.

Patrolling for Jedi.

Light reading.

Staying frosty, even in the sun.

Special thanks to loyal Imperial Eric Brager for permission to print these images. You can find a bunch more on his website: http://hawaiianseamonkey.com/2010/10/darth-vaders-hawaiian-vacation/.

Escape From Kamino

There are three things we love here in the Empire's PR Division: wasting company time on Facebook, Stormtroopers, and "sending other people to a better place".

Thankfully, after months of development, the unfortunate and unexpected demise of several Testtroopers and a minor setback involving a vat of weaponised silken tofu taking over the lab for a few days, our evil R&D team Activision have finally come up with an activity that involves doing all of those things at once: the Escape From Kamino application on Facebook.


Released in conjunction with the ridiculously good-looking-but-completely-unaffordable-on-an-evil-PR-team's-budget Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II, Escape from Kamino allows you to control the recently-awakened Starkiller clone as he attempts to do what every audience member wanted to do during Kevin Costner's Waterworld: get the hell off a planet consisting almost entirely of water and wooden actors.

The 16 bit stylised side-scrolling game has the feel of a classic retro Star Wars game (think Super Star Wars on the SNES). There are lots of little nods to classic Star Wars games as well as the Star Wars universe as a whole, and though it's simple to play, it's fun, fast and hard to master.



As an added bonus, if you somehow get bored playing alone, you can kill challenge that annoying guy in the office friend you like to mastery of the Galaxy in 2-player mode. One player takes the role of Starkiller and the other mercilessly hunts him down as Boba Fett.

And a million fanboys just... shivered with excitement.

Check it out: http://apps.facebook.com/escapefromkamino/