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Monday, November 15, 2010

Competition: Insult A Rebel



The Galactic Empire needs YOU.

Our finest tacticians believe we can wipe the Rebel Alliance out with one final, devestating blow.

We need to hit them where we're reliably informed it hurts the most: the heart. We're not actually sure what that is, but by all accounts it's what the Rebels use instead of a cybernetic blood pump powering a chest respirator. Weird.




To win, give us your best Twitter-style insult for the Rebel scum of your choice in the comments below. Be clever, be evil, be purile - the choice is yours. 140 characters per insult (Rebel's name not included). Maximum FIVE zingers per person, e.g.

@ObiWanKenobi is a creepy old space hobo who lives in a cave, does "magic" tricks and "watches over" young boys. Don't take candy from him!

The single most demoralising insult wins this awesome shirt from Nerdoh:


Entries close 12:00am Wednesday 24th November.

42 comments:

  1. Dear Admiral Akbar. Met your parents. They were wonderful... with tartar sauce.

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  2. No son of mine would ever be in the rebellion..oh, wait..

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  3. How did they find enough thrust to move that Porkins guy in an X-wing?

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  4. Jar Jar Binks - Thanks! We couldn't have done it without you.

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  5. I hear the Senator from Alderaan is down with the incest. #vom Rebels aren't just scummy they are gross./ cc@DeathStarPR

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  6. Hey, Rebel, what are you REALLY rebelling against? The parents that never loved you..?

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  7. @lukeskywalker Now that your sister is dating ur boy, doesn't mean you should do nothing but play w/ ur lightsaber all day. #jedimeatbeater

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  8. OMG Leia, you made out with your brother!!! Quick, run home and talk to your fami... oops

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  9. Blind rebels must have a hard time figuring out if they are in a room with @princessleia or @_Admiral_Ackbar . #shesmellslikefish

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  10. Our allies: Bounty Hunters and Boba Fett. Your allies: Ewoks and Muppets. #WhosCoolerNow?

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  11. Many Bothans died to bring you this information.... yyEEEAAAAAHHH!!! Thats RIGHT THEY DID!!!

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  12. Luke used to kill defenseless Womp rats for fun. THIS is the guy you're siding with?

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  13. When it comes right down to it @lukeskywalker & the rebels failed. They still needed @darthvader to bail their hippie asses out #empire #ftw

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  14. Alderaan was an inside job!! #AlderaanTruth #RebelTerrorists

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  15. I wonder if @princessleia thinks about @JabbaTheHutt when she is spending "quality" time with @hansolo . #WesternDuneSeaSyndrome

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  16. Your eyes can't repel humor of this magnitude. #thiscommentisnotanentryjustafact

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  17. Cooks Source Magazine supports the Rebel Alliance.

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  18. Yo, Han! Your ship is a piece of junk, your BFF has fleas and your chick would sooner french her brother. Boom. @HANsumSOLO

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  19. Hey @ObiWanKenobi - All Your Youngling Are Belong To Us

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  20. @RebellionPR Only the Rebellion would send an old man, a young boy, a pirate, a throw rug and metallic Laurel and Hardy on a rescue mission.

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  21. Your mother was a Bantha and your father smelt of Winterberries! Go and boil your droid, son of a Sithy person!

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  22. Two dudes singlehandedly take over the Senate, kill ALL the jedi that won’t die of old age, destroy a planet, & sap all high technology, & the rebellion thinks it WINS?!

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  23. @ LukeSkywalker Yo mama so fat Jabba wouldn't hit that. . .

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  24. @ HanSolo your girls muff is soo hairy even chewy would think twice. . .

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  25. @LukeSkywalker Guess what, your Dad is alive and he organized a bar-b-q with your Uncle Owen.

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  26. When Han Solo went on his 3rd date with @PrincessLeia, she told him "Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!"

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  27. What do @AdmiralAckbar breath and @PrincessLeia's pants have in common?

    They both stink of fish.

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  28. What do @AdmiralAckbar breath and @PrincessLeia pants have in common?

    'It's a TRAP!'

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  29. @HanSolo You're so scruffy the Nerfherders sent you "Grooming for Dummies"

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  30. @lukeskwalker felt "the force" growing inside him as soon as he saw Leia. And they think the Dark Side is twisted?

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  31. @princessleia Hey, I haven't talked to your family in so long! How are they doing? Dead? And Alderaan? Gone? Ouch.

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  32. @obiwankenobi How did it feel to get killed by little Ani-Kabani? You must feel so powerful as a blue, glowy, ghost.

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  33. @LukeSkywalker You do realize that Vader destroyed the Sith, right? All you did was sit there and scream "DADDY!"

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  34. @PreincessLeia So, you kissed your brother, you got rapped by Jabba, you're planet got blown up, and you're dating Han?

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  35. @TheRebellion Oh, I know! Let's have Leia be in charge of the plans. Cuz she's good at trusting a small droid with no legs to deliver them to an old man.

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  36. @Yoda You're so ugly even a Sarlacc would spit you out.

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  37. @Chewbacca Ooooh, big old scary beast... I'd be a lot more terrified if you didn't literally have no dick.

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  38. @LukeSkywalker Never did get those power converters, huh? Loser.

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  39. @RebelAlliance You bastards are so low rent you don't even have British accents.

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  40. The @rebelalliance say they are fighting for your freedom but last time I checked killing a billion soldiers isn't very patriotic. #rememberthedeathstar

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  41. Hey rebels, you blowing up the Second Death Star above Endor just got the Ewoks on the endangered species list

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