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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Death Star Facts #182: Admiral Colbert

Everybody knows the original Death Star had 15,000 turbolaser batteries, 768 tractor beam, or that it was 160km in diameter, but what's not so common knowledge is that the Death Star had a little-known predecessor: the Smile Moon.

When Emperor Palpatine decided to build a gigantic space station/super laser in order to protect the galaxy from evil planets, Darth Vader could think of only one man amazing enough to helm the project: Grand Admiral Stephen Colbert.

Colbert's imposing intellect, charisma and drive, as well as his hatred of the political left and his love of large amounts of money, made him the perfect choice.

Using the vast resources at his disposal, Colbert completed the project in record time. Unfortunately, it wasn't until Vader saw the completed space station for the first time that he realised Admiral Colbert had taken some artistic license with the project, moving it in a direction that the Dark Lord of the Sith did not feel was quite right for a gigantic doomsday device intended to spread fear shock and awe throughout the Galaxy.

The moment is captured for posterity in this portrait by Robert Thibeault:

Needless to say, Colbert quietly retired from public life in the Empire shortly afterwards. Some say he travelled to a distant, backwater world and achieved a level of mild success as the host of a late night news talk show.

See the rest of Colbert's portraits at the Colbert Nation website.