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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

8 Totally Awesome Things About Having A Cyborg Hand

A lot of people criticize Darth Vader's decision to cut off Luke's hand, bizarrely seeing maiming your only son as some kind of a "parenting fail", rather than as Vader's way of giving his son the greatest gift of all: a totally awesome cyborg hand.


Don't believe us? You will. Here are 8 Totally Awesome Things About Having A Cyborg Hand:

1) Say goodbye to oven mitts.
Apart from freedom of speech and anti-fascist dictatorship campaigners, probably the most annoying thing in the world is getting your fingers burnt when you go to pull something out of the oven. With a cyborg hand, that will never be an issue again.

2) More opportunities to wear leather gloves.


Forget having to wait until you're driving your douchey sports car before you strap on the leather; covering up your mechanical hand gives you all the excuse you need to sport a fashion forward hand accessory at all times.

3) Be a bigger tool.
Forget Inspector Gadget or MacGyver. Thanks to recent advances in robot hand technology, your robot fingers can become even more useful with a screwdrivers, laser pointer, or even a can opener in.

4) Cyborgs have super powers.
Having a robot hand makes you a cyborg, and cyborgs are supremely cool deathmachines with superpowers. Name one who isn't. You can't, because they don't exist. Davros? Lightning fingers. Darth Vader? Force powers. Stephen Hawking? Megabrain.

5) No more paper cuts.


Congratulations! Now that you don't have any flesh, you are free from paper cuts, food slicing errors and other annoying hand injuries! Added bonus: you can never feel the touch of another person ever again.

6) Handicapped parking.
Although your cyborg hand has given you super powers, the rest of the world doesn't always need to know about it, particularly not when it entitles you to handicapped parking and sweet, sweet government pension money. You better equip that robohand with a stick, because you're going to need it to beat the ladies away.

7) Do funny impressions.


You are going to win charades every single time from now on. Know why? Because having a robot hand means you can do the best Terminator 2 thumbs-up-sinking-into-molten-metal impression ever.

8) Impress the ladies.
Guys, newsflash: nobody cares about how much money you donated to Alderaanian orphans last year, or how long it took you to train as a cardio-thoracic surgeon, or your chiselled movie star good looks. This is the 2011's. Ladies only care about whether you can crush rocks or block lasers WITH YOUR HAND.

So please Sithizens, the next time Cool Hand Luke Skywalker has one of his patented whinges about his dad cutting off his hand, tell him you wish you had such an awesome father.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hug


You say "Force choke", we say "loving long distance throat hug".


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Brokeback Falcon





 
 
 
Sometimes when a Wookiee says they owe you a life debt, they really mean, “I wish I knew how to quit you, Han."

Monday, March 21, 2011

Negative

 
There's nothing worse than people who are always negative.

Yes, we blew up a few planets, but there are HEAPS more we HAVEN'T blown up.

Droids

These definitely aren't the droids we're looking for... but they're probably close enough. Shoot to kill.

Sorry

Having a Death Star means never having to say you're sorry.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A is for Ackbar

"A is for Ackbar" is the ridiculously adorkable Star Wars-themed alphabet created and illustrated by Brandon and Emma Peat for their new son, Tycho. Death Star PR recently caught up with Brandon to delve in to the creative process behind the project. And to find out why "D" doesn't stand for "Death Star".



DSPR: What made you and Emma decide on the Star Wars mythos as your inspiration?
When we first found out that we were pregnant, it was a little scary. It was definitely a surprise, and we weren’t sure we’d be up to the challenge. Since we are both artists, my wife Emma thought that illustrating a children’s alphabet together would be the perfect way for us to not only prepare Tycho’s room for his arrival, but to prepare ourselves mentally as well. After some initial creative head-butting (inevitable when two artists are working together!), the project ended up being very cathartic for both of us.


As far as choosing what to depict with this alphabet, Star Wars characters quickly rose to the top of the list.  We both love it, it’s fairly kid-friendly, and there’s definitely enough material in that universe to cover every letter easily, so we wouldn’t have to stretch when it came time for the tricky letters like Q, X, or Z. And I will definitely want to introduce our children to Star Wars as soon as possible, so this seemed like a kid-friendly first step.

DSPR: Jar Jar is nowhere to be seen. Why the decision to go with characters from the Expanded Universe, rather than the prequel trilogy?
I'll spare you my usual tirade and simply say that the Prequels are not my favorite part of Star Wars, and certainly not something I'll be exposing our kids to anytime soon. And dismissing the Prequels and new Clone Wars stuff as being "for kids" ignores, I think, the fact that they're really inappropriate for kids. As Darth Vader, Anakin does some truly evil stuff, and even as Anakin he's not that great of a role model. Would you expose your kid to a show called The Adventures of Young Hitler? I certainly don't want to teach my kids that mass murder is totally okay as long as you have a deathbed conversion. (Taking things a little too seriously? Sure. But you get where I'm coming from.)

DSPR: We don't, that's exactly how everyone in the PR office was planning on going out, but we digress. Please continue.


The Expanded Universe, however, is probably my favorite thing about Star Wars – the fact that there’s something interesting around every corner in this universe. My favorite EU stories (the Thrawn trilogy, the X-wing book and game series, the Jedi Knight series of games, the Tales of the Jedi comics and KOTOR games, the Republic Commando game and books) I cherish as much, possibly even more than the Original Trilogy. Sure, those movies are great, but you can’t watch them over and over forever. It’s more fun to experience new adventures within that world.

DSPR: Which characters were the most fun and/or most challenging to design?
My favorite characters to design were the ones where I got to squeeze in a visual gag about the character’s personality or a relevant plot point. Ackbar is scared of his trap-like Star Destroyer mobile. Assassin droid IG-88 is juggling a variety of grenades. Kyle Katarn is holding his lightsaber and the Death Star plans he helped steal. Quinlan Vos is spinning a Sith Holocron on his finger, referencing his brushes with the Dark Side. Boba Fett is jetpacking away from a Sarlacc-looking hole of squirming worms.  Han and Greedo are shooting finger guns at each other… and Han shot first.


DSPR: Finally, how much would it cost us to get you to change "R" to "Rebel Scum"?
Haha, if you're interested in a custom letter (or any other illustration or design work, for that matter), you can always contact me for an estimate at brandonpeat.com.  I'm always up for a fun project!



All artwork courtesy of Emma and Brandon Peat. To see the full "A is for Ackbar" collection in all of its glory, or to purchase some of the ludicrously talented Brandon's work/services, visit his website now!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Star Wars School

Intrepid Imperial investigators have sent disturbing news from Earth, a backwater world on the very edges of known space: a Star Wars-themed school for children aged 6-12 known as "The Jedi Temple" has opened in Quilpué, Chile.


The Temple gives its younglings the opportunity to learn a combination of martial arts styles yoga and tae kwon do, along with core Jedi "values" like wisdom and nobility, and presumably, how to cut off your best friend's arm and legs before leaving him to burn alive in lava.

Of course, the Galactic Empire questions how much wisdom there is in opening a new Jedi Temple given that the previous one on Coruscant became infamous as a den of inequity and corruption, whose evil students were heroically killed by Darth Vader moments before they were unleashed on a candy-fueled killing spree.


A source embedded in the school said, "It's tragic, really. The children all want to be like Yoda, or Obi Wan, or even Luke Skywalker. They don't even realise that being a magic space knight who goes around cutting off people's arms and legs with a laser sword is a bad thing."

In further evidence that the school's Jedi Masters are twisting the minds of the innocent, another anonymous whistleblower reports that students are being taught that Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader are "evil" and that the Galactic Empire is a "merciless totalitarian regime run by space fascists," rather than the beloved government of the people, for the people, by the Emperor we all know it to be.

Safety concerns have also been raised by the school's decision to train padawans in the use of lightsabers. It is common knowledge that Yoda's lightsaber training methods were sadistic and dangerous in the extreme, involving shooting lasers at blindfolded children swinging lightsabers in a confined space. Imperial experts estimate that hundreds of padawans were likely killed or horribly maimed during decades of training under the senile Jedi Master.


The Galactic Empire will, of course, be sending the Death Star to investigate these claims immediately.

So... probably say goodbye to your stuff, Earthlings.


Thanks to Rubinville for the tip. Original article here.

Friday, March 11, 2011

An office far, far away Episode 6

"Plan"

Follow the continuing adventures of Duke, the new guy, as he tries to make it in the office of an evil Empire. So, pretty much every office, anywhere.

Sometimes Duke takes a sick day. When he does, we find out what's going on in the rest of the galaxy...

Click to enlarge:


Words: Robbie Boland
Art: Kristian Aus

Go to previous episode.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Best Defense

 

The second best defense is a good offense.


The best defense is blowing someone up before they even know they're playing the game.

Old Ben

 


OBI-WAN KENOBI is a creepy old hobo who lives in a cave, does "magic" and "watches over" young boys.


Can YOU really trust him?



This message brought to you by the "Death Star Cares" initiative.

Friday, March 4, 2011

7 Reasons Ladies Love Lord Voldemort

It's a fact that ladies love a bad boy. Whether it's the thrill of living dangerously, the hope that he can be changed, or just a chance to stick it to mum and dad, there's something about evilness that drives women wild. But James Dean is dead and leather jackets aren't as cool as they used to be, so what's a girl to do? Wizards, of course. And in the wizarding world, there's no bigger bad boy than He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Here are just seven of the reasons ladies love Lord Voldemort.


1) He's good at his job
Nobody wants to go out with an incompetent bumbler. Confidence and competence are the ultimate aphrodisiacs. Ladies want someone who's good at what they do. Someone who can inspire his followers and push the boundaries of his chosen field. As the most powerful, most feared dark wizard of all time, with thousands of Death Eaters hanging off his every word, Voldemort fits the bill perfectly.

2) He speaks multiple languages
As the world becomes more an increasingly global community, the ability to speak a second language is imperative. Not to mention a great way to romance the ladies. And as far as the language of love goes, Parseltongue is the new French.

3) He knows how to use his wand


Everyone's looking for someone who makes them feel that special spark. As the world's premiere sorceror, Voldemort can make you feel things you've never felt before. Like extreme pain or the strange tingling sensation you feel a second before being turned inside out.

4) He's passionate about his hobbies

 
There's nothing worse than dating a one-note wonder, somebody who has no interests and will bore you to death over dinner with pointless anecdotes about that hilarious time they filled out Form 27-B incorrectly. Modern women want to date a compelling man who has a range of interests. As well as taking over the world, Lord Voldemort's hobbies include sudoku, meeting Robert Downey Jnr. and killing Harry Potter in as many horrible ways as possible.

5) He plans ahead
Some men never think about the future. Happy to just cruise through life, these guys never put anything away for a rainy day, or take out the home insurance you've been bugging them for weeks about. And then one day they're gone and you're left with nothing. Voldemort, on the other hand, always has an eye on the horizon. Between listening to prophecies and making seven Horcruxes to ensure his own immortality, the Dark Lord will always be there for you. Whether you like it or not.

6) He's not big on appearances
Let's face it, most men are sexist pigs. They don't care how many degrees you have, or that you revolutionised scientific thought by formulating a widely accepted, consistent framework for unified field theory. They only care about how you look naked. Lord Voldemort, on the other hand, is a sensitive new age guy who doesn't care about appearances. This is clearly demonstrated by the fact that he hangs out with Helena Bonham Carter. When you have no nose or hair and wear a robe everywhere, you're pretty much guaranteed to be above such petty concerns.

7) He knows what women want



Literally. As a skilled Legilimens, the Dark Artist formerly known as Tom Riddle can read your mind, plucking out your deepest, darkest desires. And then use them against you to further his plans for world domination.


Don't even pretend you're not interested, ladies.

Oscar

Natalie Portman really deserved that Oscar.


It was her most convincing performance since pretending not to be in love with Obi Wan.

Gangly

 

ALL STAFF:

 

If you see a gangly man in a bow tie with ridiculously good hair step out of a blue box SHOOT ON SIGHT.

 

Do NOT let him monologue, sonic screwdrive or touch anything.